The Difficulty Of Living In The Moment At A Time Of Chaos

I think I might have erred in sometime
mentioning the term “mindfulness”,
which is probably strictly a genre of
meditation practice. I have only a cursory
knowledge and understanding of it and
what I’m trying to get to the heart of is a
more everyday, meat-and-potatoes version of it.
i.e.. every now and then I am present
in my own life.

Let’s call it East Midland Fleeting
Observational Self Awareness.
EMFOSA. The more EMFOSA I have
in any one day, the more sad I might feel.

It was the attacks on the twin towers in 2001
which originally drew me back into attempting this –
spending half an hour with tiny Cathleen,
staring at a leaf, for instance - as trying
to get my head around what was happening
in the world was doing me in.

I don’t think the small things really get to me.
But it’s the accumulation of everything,
I suppose, and the inclination to just
plough on and not complain, that
over the long term induces a state
of melancholy in someone like me.